How long have I got in the hot light 'til the shine rusts?
I've been thinking through the hard stuff
Over light drugs like every night
No, you don't need to come over
'Cause I'd crowd please and I'm tired
Slowly morphed into a poser
Barely know her anymore
Do I look high-functioning or
Is my fa?ade crumbling?
Oh God, don't actually answer me, Caroline
But, oh well, look at my life
Bet you can't tell, but it's kind of a bad time
A new spiral every night
Bawling my eyes out
No, but I'm so fine
Yeah, I might just shut up and drive
Hope I don't crash and blow out the headlights
My nightmare actualized
Got what I wanted, it doesn't sit right
I just got to the party with the big shots and the Barbies
Empty talk and talk and talk until my ears bleed
He's holding a pill, he thinks that I should take one
But I'll raise him to the whole bunch
I'm kidding, God, he thinks I'm stupid
What a gut punch, but then we go
Downtown, there's no medicine
I'd spit out if it promises
Slowing down voices
Don't want to hear a sound
But, oh well, look at my life
Bet you can't tell, but it's kind of a bad time
A new spiral every night
Bawling my eyes out
No, but I'm so fine
Yeah, I might just shut up and drive
Hope I don't crash and blow out the headlights
My nightmare actualized
Got what I, what I
Mm, maybe if I smile enough
I'll get away with giving up
I'll move across the country just to judge myself, like, just as much
As I do when I'm sitting here
I miss my friends that disappear
And haven't seen 'em in a year
Oh God, what am I doing here?
But, oh well, look at my life (Look at my life)
Bet you can't tell but it's kind of a bad time
A new spiral every night (Every night)
Bawling my eyes out
No, but I'm so fine
Yeah, I might just shut up and drive
Hope I don't crash and blow out the headlights
My nightmare actualized
Got what I wanted, it doesn't sit right
Ooh-ooh-ooh (Right)
I got what I wanted, it doesn't sit right (Right, right)
Ooh-ooh-ooh (Right)
Got what I wanted, it doesn't sit right (Right, right)

Took a sharp knife
More than once or twice to the heart of this
And you threatened it
Metaphorically, accidentally
You called me your everything
And the pressure I have to emphasize
Made our roof cave in, built by idiots
Still so earnestly, over carefully
Questions crept back into my head again

That's when
I knew suddenly, I would be leaving
And neither of us saw it coming
If only you had a good reason

That's when I knew
Honestly you would start bleeding
Just to cover it up for my feelings
If only you had a good reason
Am I thinking straight? Was I meant to stay?
Your too nice to me, when I tell you things
You don't want to hear, like I spent the year
Over promising, over everything

That's when
I knew suddenly, you would be grieving
I'm only half sure that I mean it
If only I had a good reason
But I bet you'll probably sit there and take it
Well that only makes me regret it
If only I had a good reason

If only I had a good reason
If only it wasn't bad timing
If only I chose you and not me
If only we leaned into fighting
If only you got disappointed
If only I kept every promise
If only you treated me poorly
If only you didn't adore me
If only you didn't adore me

I knew suddenly I would be leaving
And neither of us saw it coming
If only you had a good reason
That's when I knew
You'd probably sit there and take it
That only makes me regret it

If only I had a good reason
If only I had a good reason
If only I chose you and not me
If only I had a good reason
If only I chose you and not me
If only I had a good reason
If only I had a good reason
If only
If only